Reverse Breast Tumor through the power of the human body

Facing myself in the mirror has never been a langorous activity. It's always been a matter of checking myself out fast, do the clothes look good, is my face alive, does my hair work? And if it doesn't oh well.

That's how it's been and now, I'm looking at this open wound on right side of my chest and it's red with all kinds of textures, white spots, yellow film, blood clots, sometimes scabbing when I haven't paid attention and allowed the wound to start drying.

One of my breasts is now a wound.

And my heart is right there in between them, and I have occasion to cry and I wonder how my guy handles it, he rarely looks at it, I have been asked to cover it up so I wear sports bras and tee shirts, he admitted the lingerie wasn't really such a big thing for him, so I make sure when I come to bed, that it's covered up.

In the beginning of our coming together, he would touch my good breast now and then, sometimes put his mouth on it, but as time went on, he has stopped approaching my good breast, and we focus more on intercourse. I have been told it is completely understandable, and I know it is, yet I have to feel the sadness I feel, because I like my breasts being touched and kissed and this is one of the consequences of the choice I made. Reversing cancer through diet and not having surgery has led to this, a longterm cure that takes time, patience, and committment.

I bury the desire I have for my breast to be welcomed and acknowledged and leave it for me to do. I will say hi to her, I will touch her now and then, I will feel her fullness in comparison to the one that's dissolving, like a crumbling heritage house in detroit, like the sandstone rotting against the slapping salt water of the ocean, all the images i've held so dear, and my lover's eyes when he does open them when i am on top of him, smiling at me, holding my hips and breathing, closing his eyes again, his hair across his lashes, I want to kiss him and kiss him, and he has a wariness a protection that has nothing to do with me and my breast, that has to do with his past and people in it that hurt him in ways that cannot be undone.

My breast has become a tumor that is dissolving through the power of my human body. Though there are feelings to feel and sights and odors to digest on a daily moment by moment basis, that I would not wish on anyone, the experience of the body activated towards healing and wholeness is a miracle to my eyes and my heart rises up and swallows it whole, every milestone photographed and etched in digital memory.