2010 Resolution

It's morning in the desert, light streaming through the blinds, transmitting electrical sun energy to every cell. Removing the bandage after sleeping several hours. Unwashed uncombed photographed by a friend, Tal, who loves black and white and is kind enough to record a few minutes of my morning.

New years resolution it's 2010. I'm living through this, I'm to sail through it all, the fears, thoughts, blood, gangrene scent, hot baths, sad moments, loss of breast, and most of all right now, dropping an old pattern I've carried since my adolescence where I brainwashed myself on Top 20 Hits of the 1970s, love, love, unrequited love, pain, suffering, breakups. All that crap rewinding itself round and round my brain, weakening my system, turning my complexion grey, fantasising about a man I broke up with, someone I already know is not right.

I must stop it all for a new life. Talk strongly to myself that NO, I do not want to return to be with him, he has no interest either, but I do want to be free and comfortable to be fully realized in reality. To be able to be warm to him, not need a thing anymore, not imagine what could be because I already know what is.

This kind of crap weakens the body and I am in no position to weaken myself.

I am here to expand and grow strong and deep with people who want to live free of such chains.

Thanks to Ilana, of Enerjoy Fitness, who told me to run to her whenever this unrequited love crap comes up, that we will eliminate it from my body and soul TOGETHER, I feel strong to do it, am excited for the change, and believe I can do it. You see, it's always been this way. I've always felt this way around love and men. And now, it's time for a brand new experiencing, something real, solid, person to person, free to move, respectful and sensual, an addition to life not a fulfilment of an emptiness.

It's the best day of the best year of my life.